My challenge for this series has been facing 20 years of frustration to try and determine what the contributing factor pie chart looks like: How much of my inability to find a romantic partner (or partners) is straight up luck, and how much is something I can control?
They had much in common but did not always see eye to eye, which made for some great debates and revelations.
We rarely criticize our friends or put them down in public, and we often take our time to listen to them and understand their perspective, even if we think they're wrong. The likeability factor is derived from catering to each other's wants and needs just out of kindness or thoughtfulness, which increases someone's platonic feelings toward another person.
It would make sense, then, that the person for whom you already do all of these things would make the best relationship partner. The desirability factor is derived from the absence of those things, which ferments that kind of desire that reflects the old adage, “You want what you can't have.”If one of these is more present than the other in the relationship, the relationship will fail.
Todd describes it as the most mind-blowing moment when this woman he already loved and respected became his lover.
They fell love, but true friendship was the bedrock of that love, and ultimately what sustained them.